Top Ways NOT to Write a Novel



Whoever said I wanted to write a novel, anyway? Pretty sure it wasn't my own idea! Someone, somewhere said I should write a novel. To appease them, I made some vague noises about having an interest in writing. Possibly, I even mentioned the inkling of a plot tickling my cerebral cortex. I may have even goofed enough to speak about the characters hogging all the space in my mind.


Well, honestly, it's not like I meant it. I just said it to passively end the conversation, but now I've gone and told people that yes, I am writing a novel. Except, maybe not today. Today, I am marketing on social media. That is really important, you know. It involves one minute selecting a photo to post, one-minute posting then captioning my selection, and fifteen minutes of scrolling through other people's feeds, ten minutes of arguing with anti-vaxers, and five minutes of clicking through homes for sale which I can not afford to buy. I don't see this as a problem. I just build it into my schedule.


Of course, it doesn't matter that I only got twenty-five words written all morning, because I'm staying home tonight. And despite the decision to purchase cable TV which may not have been the brightest thing I have done recently, I'm bound to get part of the story written.


Except, of course, it is chilly in the house at night, and I really do need a new sweater for the Fall, and so why not just click on that pop-up for the clothing company with the super cute pink cardigan for prices which are a steal!. I'll only look for... holy cow, has it really been ninety minutes? Do I really have twenty-seven items in my cart?? How many sweaters can one girl even wear? Asking for a friend, of course.


I guess I can still squeeze in a solid hour of writing before I have to go to sleep. I'll just quickly go grab a little snack first. It will only take a minute to clean up these dishes. I can eat and type, right?


You know what I really wish we had in this house? Chocolate Chip Cookies. I guess I should bake some tomorrow. It is that time of year, after all. I also need to mow the lawn before I put the lawnmower away for this season, so that could work. I'll get those two tasks done in the morning and then can write the novel all afternoon. That will be perfect. Then tomorrow night I can take the dog for a walk and take some photos for the photography business I also want to start.


Hey, wait, I wonder if I could write articles for that travel magazine? Let's think, what kind of trip could I take that wouldn't be too expensive so I could write about it and sell the article? Since I'm here at the computer anyway, this would be a great time to scope out some of those cheap airfares and hotel bookings. Okay, so if I'm going to stay there, I suppose I should plan an itinerary of excursions to add to my travel article. I should research what there is to do in that town so I will be prepared.


Okay! This was good! I got all the details planned out and all the chores cleaned up. Now I can start... wow. It can't be after midnight! My brain is cooked. I guess I should go to bed. I'll just sleep on my novel for tonight and let my subconscious think it over a bit. There's always tomorrow. For now, I think I will read a couple of chapters of this other author's book before I go to sleep.


You know, this story is okay, but I think I could write it just as well as this author. I sure do want to be an author. I can't wait until my novel is finished!



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